NOTICE

Due to the recent rash of pelican attacks, it is advised that you dress your penguin as you would a small child. This is in order to disguise it, protecting against airborn assault. Beanies with propellers are preferred in this instance.

Thank you,
P.O.D.

Taking Care

Please do remember that as the penguin is property of P.O.D. it is your sole duty to keep penguin in excellent condition during the date, after the date, and upon return of product. User guide will be included with penguin. Care instructions include, but are not limited to, the following:

1. Penguin must wear provided ankle leash, no exceptions. Mouth guard will be required with certain breeds.

2. Daily bathing of penguin strictly enforced. Washing machines STRICTLY prohibited.

3. Brushing of the bill optional, but definitely recommended.

4. Daily exercise of penguin strictly enforced. Exercise merely pertains to placing penguin belly-down on provided yoga mat. You will then proceed to sit side saddle onto the penguin's back. Without initially applying full body-weight, you will await to hear grunt from penguin prompting a "Giddy-up!" from you, the rider. The pre-trained penguin will then attempt to crawl forward, wings extended from it's sides. Five minutes of this exercise minimum.

5. Brush penguin tuft at least twice a day.

6. Eating of parasites optional. (Merely use provided magnifier. Recommend harvesting while penguin snoozes)

Questions? Don't hesitate to ask!

Penguin Promiscuity

May it be noted that any penguin provided by P.O.D. is property thereof, and any misuse of the product in punishable by law.

This includes:

-Eating said product

-Beating said product (esp. with newspaper. Making a penguin black and white and red all over is not funny)

-Forcing said product to carry you around on its back

-Painting said product white and forcing it to quack for your sick amusement

-Replacing your child with said product in school play. Our penguins have enough to remember without being forced to memorize Shakespeare.

-Convincing said product to do your taxes. Penguins are not good at math and the joke will ultimately be on you.

-Launching said product into outer space and/or the moon. Unless you give them a spacesuit first. Then it's ok.

-Teaching said product to tap dance, then pointing and laughing and saying "Look! Happy feet!" Tap dancing is never funny. The only thing less amusing is referencing the movie Happy Feet.

-You MAY take said product to your DEBUTANTE but PLEASE REMEMBER the number one rule of Penguin on the Date. The penguin is not your date!!

THE PENGUIN IS NOT YOUR DATE

***IMPORTANT CAUTION***

Remember, while we want you to get the most out of our obese icebreaker penguins, it is important to remember that the penguin is NOT your date. While our penguins are all incredibly attractive, they are also all in committed relationships with penguin ladies or gentlemen, and should not be hit upon, flirted with, or bought drinks at any point during your date. Not only is this gross breech of contract, it's also really weird. Only you can determine the effectiveness of our P.O.D.s...

***IMPORTANT CAUTION***

Nothing left to lose??

Lost all faith in yourself?? Incapable of striking a cord with that perfect someone? If you're failing to click romantically, why not try clicking with a penguin first?? Our professional, homeless, obese penguins are perfect conversation starters and ice breakers, sure to get you in on that coveted second date.

Possible topics of conversation:

"Why that dang penguin so fat?"

"Why that dang penguin staring at me?"

"Why that dang penguin wearing women's clothing?"

"Why that dang penguin holding a butcher's knife and giving me dirty looks?"

"Why that dang penguin slashing my tires?"

"Why that dang penguin hotwiring my car and installing a lift and spinning hubcaps?"